Love. And Fear.

I am charmed by how seriously die-hard horror movie fans take their horror flicks, but sometimes you guys scare me and I expect to return home to unidentifiable body parts strewn on my doorstep.

Case in point (the "fear" portion):

Anonymous, who commented on my review of The Changeling by having the following mild freak-out:

Whoever it is that graded this movie can't be more than 18 to 20 years old. Only someone that young and naive would think 'The Haunting' could be better than 'The Changeling.' Catherine Zeta Jones hasn't had a worthy acting role in her miserable career, and don't get me started with that warped nosed drugged out Wilson fella! 'The Haunting' is a modern day special effects, crappy plot movie. 'The Changeling' stars the late thespian, George C. Scott. If your not familiar with him, might I suggest you see 'Patton' or 'Taps.' This movie relies on acting and plot to tell its story, not cheap, over the top special effects. If you trust this persons blogs, I suggest you get your brain scanned!

Hee hee hee. <--This is laughter borne both out of humor and fear. Intense intense fear.

Seriously though... Anon, if you ever stop back, just for the record: perhaps you are not as big a horror lover as you thought, seeing as there IS more than one version of The Haunting--I even *linked* to the original in the review you slammed. And I'd bet that nearly every single person who reads this blog and is a connoisseur of horror flicks would choose the original The Haunting over The Changeling any day.

Second case in point (the "charmed" portion):

Matt who commented on my review of Fido, and my enchantment with the lead zombie, by stating that

I disagree. While I have not seen this movie yet I can not believe that any zombie could be as loved as Bub has become.

I mention you here, Matt, not to make fun, but because it warms my cockles to see folks that, like me, love a good zombie-flick enough that they'll actually DEFEND a zombie's honor.

So thank you, Matt.

And Bub appreciates the mention as well. Though truth be told, he mentioned to me that even HE thinks Fido is more charming. (Ah, but I kid.)

Fido

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Set back in the 1950s (I think?), the world is squeaky clean and chirpy, now that the zombies have been turned into constructive citizens thanks to a collar that keeps their zombie-urges in check. Unfortunately, the collar of Timmy's pet zombie Fido keeps malfunctioning, which leads to him gnawing the neck off of an old-lady neighbor. Fido has become a member of the family though, and a best friend to Timmy, so Timmy tries to cover the mess up, fearing that Fido will be sent away. The results are hilariously disastrous.



Scariness factor: It's moreso a comedy than a horror movie, but since it is a zombie flick, I nonetheless include it here.

Gross-Out Factor: Again: more comedic than scary and gross.

Complaints: Hmmm. Can't really think of any.

High Points: I thought this movie was cute and delightful, spoofy like Sean of the Dead but moreso with a focus on the silly squeaky clean movies and tv shows of the 1950s. Bill Connelly is delightful, and his zombie character seriously has to be the most adorable and endearing zombie ever to grace the screen. I found myself rooting for him throughout, and I loved that the filmmakers were actually fun enough to develop the sexual chemistry between the mom and the zombie. Cracked my shit up. Fido is actually a well-developed zombie-character, as zombies go, and that was kind of fun to see as well, especially since you kind of ended up feeling really warm and squishy towards him. It was also amusing watching a film where the presence of zombies was treated with such normalcy, especially within a 1950s-type setting. Even more fun was the soundtrack and the discordancy of its cheerfulness in comparison to the zombie activities that are taking place--fun fun.



Overall: I enjoyed this quite a bit. It was funny, and somehow weirdly cute and able to tug at your heartstrings a bit, even with the bizarre subject matter. And if you are a lover of zombie-flicks, it's definitely a must see.

Grade: A-

Creepshow

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A variety of short tales about meteors and their effects, a monster in a box, a man who seeks revenge by burying people in the sand, a father returned from the dead, and cockroaches.



Scariness factor: Man, I loved this comic book when I was little--I found it delightfully horrific. And man, do I love Romero. But MAN was this movie TOTALLY not scary AT ALL.

Gross-Out Factor: Hee hee. Ah. Hee hee.

Complaints: So very very SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, which is even MORE dastardly since they were short pieces, so that alone should've kept the pacing up. Also--Stephen King is the WORST actor in the world. Sweet jesus. And really, none of it was scary.

High Points: Hrm. It made me laugh a few times, it was that lame and slow. And ok--the cockroaches exploding out of the guy and filling the room: that was pretty sweet. That's about it.



Overall: I don't think I care to ever see this again. In fact, if I could go back in time a few days so that I could watch something else in its place, I'd do so. I know it's supposed to be a classic, but hell with that.

(Go check out The Moon is a Dead World for an alternate review later this week)

Grade: D+

28 Weeks Later

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: It's 28 weeks later than the 28 days that started it all, and the virus has apparently wiped itself out, with the help of a governmental quarantine of London. As the military struggles to carefully maintain this quarantine, one slip up takes place, wiping all precautions out, and starting a rampage again.



Scariness factor: Not nearly as scary as the original, mostly because there weren't as many intense zombie scenes that left you with your heart in your throat.

Gross-Out Factor: About the same as the original--lots of zombies, people being shot up, gruesome deaths, etc.

Complaints: This movie was really just kind of boring. I *WANTED* to like it, if only for the premise of the dad returning after having left his wife to the zombies without trying to help her escape and then later becoming infected himself and hunting down his own children, but even *that* didn't spice it up enough. Slow-moving and not enough zombies--that's the long and short of it.

High Points: The point at which the virus sweeps through an enclosed place where many survivors have been locked in for quarantine was fairly spooky, but mostly because it just got you thinking how terrible it would be to have nowhere to go to escape it all. Other than that, it was mostly just sort of ho hum. I still don't quite get how some people think this was better than the first--this is a lot more processed and squeaky Hollywoodish.



Overall: Eh. Rent the original, skip the sequel.

Grade: C

Death Proof

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Stuntman Mike is a stuntman who owns a death-proof stunt car, death-proof for him at least. He derives great pleasure from killing foxy young chicks IN his car or WITH his car, either/or. But when he crosses paths with a few bad-ass female stunt-drivers, he'll come to find that it ain't as easy to fuck with the ladies as he thinks.



Scariness factor: Kurt Russell is pretty damn spooky, at least in the first half.

Gross-Out Factor: Holy crap. I haven't a clue how Tarantino filmed the first major car-crash scene, but MOTHER OF GOD is it violent. So seriously: A big no-no for the squeamish. At least close your eyes.



Complaints: Again: loved loved loved it.

High Points: I dig Tarantino--always have, always will. He shares the same geeky appreciation of camp and 1970s films and the pomp and circumstance of huge overdone chase-scenes and characters and everything that I adore myself. He also writes some AMAZINGLY bad-ass female characters, and I love him for it. And all this comes shining through yet again in Death Proof. Kurt Russell is awesomely slimey and yet scary. The girls in it are all f-ing smoking hot and yet horribly and awesomely bad-ass. The gruesome first car crash will FLOOR you with how realistic it looks. Rosario Dawson needs to come over and makeout with me already. And the car-chase scene that is the focus of the whole movie was just SO goddamn good that I actually shouted, YEAH HA HA HA HA! and cheered at the end. Despite watching it by myself. I must admit, I've been a fan of a good car-chase scene ever since my dad forced us to watch the very excellent car chase scene in Bullit when I was like 12, extolling it as the best car-chase scene ever filmed, and then when he forced us to watch Duel within a year or two... And this one is a DAMN good one, especially since it's manned (or should I say WOMANNED) by a car full of bad-ass female leads.



Overall: Go. Now. Rent this *AND* Planet Terror and have one HELLUVAN evening.

Grade: A

Planet Terror

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A military base accidentally lets loose some sort of bio-weapon that turns the living into gruesome, mutated, flesh-eating zombie-esque creatures. The end result is that a group of survivors, including a foxy one-legged woman who'll eventually find her leg-problem corrected with a machine-gun, must battle them to survive.

Scariness factor: Rodriguez has a really good sense of 1970s camp, and this is moreso campy and fun then it is truly scary.

Gross-Out Factor: Oh, man. High in this department. Especially with zombies being splattered left and right with cars and whatnot.



Complaints: I loved it. Can't think of a one.

High Points: This was so much fun! Rodriguez is clearly a lover of 1970s horror movies and exploitation films, and he mimics the genre wonderfully here, even down to the scratchy-film quality. I've never enjoyed watching zombies get splattered as much as I did in this movie. Also, McGowan is UBER-sexy and bad-ass in it. I never thought a one-legged woman with a replacement machine-gun leg could be so goddamn erotic. *growr* Also, the short lead who I've always loved in the Six Feet Under series is bad-ass sexy in here as well. There's lots of explosion, lots of juicy '70's-esque camp moments, lots of great one-liners, some gruesome transformations, some wicked bad-ass female leads, and just lots and lots of zombie fun. Good stuff.



Overall: Go rent it. It's a blast.

Grade: A

1408

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Enslin is a writer of books about hauntings. He travels the countryside, spending the night in haunted places and then reviewing them afterwards. When a postcard appears that tells him not to go into room 1408 of the Dolphin hotel, he immediately makes plans to spend the night there. He is warned multiple times by the manager not to do so, yet he ends up in the room. He doesn't actually believe in ghosts, but the events in this room quickly change his mind.

Scariness factor: The first 45 minutes were WONDERFULLY scary, mostly because they were very subtle. The second half was moreso overwhelming than it was scary, though it had some weird mind-fuck type moments.

Gross-Out Factor: Pretty much non-existent if I remember correctly. Mostly just old-school hauntings.



Complaints: The second half of this movie. I couldn't quite decide whether I liked it or really vehemently disliked it. It was a bit overwhelming, but I really enjoyed that at points. I *definitely*, however, did not like the last 10 minutes or so of the movie. Shmaltzy.

High Points: I must admit, I hate John Cusack. I know that, as an American, apparently I am supposed to love the man and everything he's ever been in. But I don't. I think he needs to get a new hairstyle already, seeing as he's had that same shapeless mop since Say Anything. And I rarely watch anything with him in it, just because I can't stand to stare at him for extended periods of time. Needless to say, I wasn't really looking forward to this movie all that match. All that being said, he actually wasn't bad in it. And the movie actually was a lot better than I'd expected. The first 30-45 minutes were really goddamn good, in my opinion. They were spooky as shit, mostly because they were also subtle as shit. To me, subtlety is a lot scarier than over the top special fx. So small moments like him turning around to find mints suddenly on his bed pillow CREEPED ME THE HELL OUT. There's also a scene in it where he climbs out on a ledge 14-stories above NYC, and THAT I was seriously holding my breath during--I have a fear of heights, and I've never had such a visceral reaction to a height-related movie scene as I did during that one. However, after that scene, the subtleties vanished, and it was full-out Crazy Room activity. At that point, the movie started to not be as impressive to me, though I really DID love the scene in the post-office later--I'd say more, but it'd give things away too much. THAT I thought was wonderfully done, and weirdly psychologically disturbing. Samuel L. Jackson is also bad ass (but subtle for once) in it as well--and much hotter than his normal bad-ass hot self. So despite the fact that he's not in it for too long, that's also definitely a plus.



Overall: I think this film is worth watching for the first 45 minutes or so. The second half has its moments, some of them wonderful, some of them just ho-hum. So don't expect much there. But the first half--fun fun fun.

Grade: B