Monday, February 21, 2005

Atom Age Vampire

Reviewed by Patrick

- With a name like that, what's not to love? Well..alot.

Plotline: Huh? You mean it's supposed to have a plot? Brilliant! Okay, from what I gathered through the choppy editing, it's the story of a stripper who gets horribly disfigured in a car accident. The disfigurement leaves her suicidal, until a "mysterious figure" offers to help her with an experimental new treatment. She accepts and, after a few shots in a basement labratory, is good-as-new. The only bad part is: the treatments don't last. She has to get further treatments to stay beautiful. Somehow, the doctor, who performed the surgery and has subsequently fallen in love with her, transforming into a horrible monster at night and killing young women, solves this. Keep in mind, this procedure is something he hopes to market to the world.

Doctor: "I have this new serum which will cure the world of ugliness!"

World: "YAH!"

Doctor: "But I'm afraid I'll have to kill a bunch of young women to make it."

World: "ummm...."

Does that make sense? No? Well, good, 'cause the whole movie is like that. Halfway through I stopped trying to understand it and hoped for a catfight or something (which, by the way, never came.)

Scariness factor: The scariest part of this movie is how much the stripper looks like Laura Dern.

Originality: It reminded me alot of "The Brain that Wouldn't Die", which also involved a stripper in a car crash and young women getting killed to somehow prolong her life. Other than that, it was definitely in a class all it's own.

Other High Points: Cheesy Dialog, a mute gardener named Sasha and an extended "Island Girl" dance number, where the dancer winks at the camera no less than 3 times. I wish I were joking about the last one.

Other Complaints: The sound! As if the story wasn't hard enough to follow, the sound, which varied between muted and freakishly loud, made conversations impossible to follow.

Grade: F

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2 Comments:

At 2:21 PM, Anonymous harvey said...

At least they followed the rule of three with the dance sequence.

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Patrick said...

Dance sequences were like the shower scenes of the 50's and 60's.

 

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