Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Santa Claus (1959)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: I'm not precisely sure. I think the gist of it is this: Santa Claus is trying to deliver presents. Pitch (a minion of the devil) is trying to get kids to be bad and also trying to thwart Santa's deliveries.

Scariness factor: This isn't a horror movie, and yet it's the creepiest damn thing I've seen in a long time. It feels like a really really really really really bad acid trip.

High Points: Wow. This isn't a horror flick, so technically I shouldn't be reviewing it here. And yet, when up against some of my other favorite creepy X-mas gems (Jack Frost, Santa Conquers the Martians, Silent Night, Bloody Night), it definitely is a worthy opponent. Somehow the movie is 94 minutes long, and CLEARLY they're milking many of the scenes to achieve that length. Much of it is filler, particularly a lengthy sequence at the beginning where Santa plays a creepy organ while introducing his child slave-labor from all over the world that he apparently utilizes instead of elves to make X-mas presents. (Let the creepiness begin.) Somehow a minion of the devil enters the picture, and he prances and ballets his way through the movie, committing bad deeds. The main little girl in the movie looks SINCERELY scared throughout the whole movie, probably because she has to endure sequences in which large two-faced dolls swarm around her, dancing, nightmares of Pitch (the devil) telling her she won't get anything for X-mas because she's poor, etc. Merlin (yes, you heard me correctly--Merlin the Wizard) is one of Santa's helpers and is featured in the film several times. Santa is contestably one of the creepiest Santas I've seen, laughing maniacally throughout. (He also looks weirdly like Leslie Nielsen.) Santa's reindeer are equally creepy--they are wind-up robotic reindeer, and one of them has a briefly terrifying scene during which he neighs/winnies/robotically whines/chew/moans in such a way that I got shivers up my very spine. Pretty much the whole movie feels like a really long and really really really bad acid trip. And for that reason, it is priceless, and you need to get your hands on it. Keep your eye out at (I hate to say it but) Walmart apparently--I guess you can get your hands on it there for the low low price of $1.

Overall: An X-mas miracle.

Grade: A

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At 6:37 PM, Blogger Cosmo's Vegan Shoppe said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 1:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even though I've never been really keen on Christmas-Horror flick hybrids...I'm almost compelled to watch this just for the hell of it...but only if I could get it for free...somehow i doubt the Wal-World here in Canada would sell it.

But I digress - I wanted to ask you for a small favour Lindyloo...the font on the right sidebar of your alphabetized horror flick list is darn tiny and I have strained my eyes on more than one occasion trying to read the bullets...is it possible for you to increase the size of the lettering...that would make me so very happy and excited...then I will trot over to my local Blockbuster and rent some spooky movies based on your reviews.

Cheers and Happy New Year to you!!

At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Heh heh.

Joanne: The reason I've kept it so small is that any bigger of font would get all sloppy-looking because the sidebar is so skinny-minny.

What you CAN do (I think this should work) on your own computer when you want to roam through them is hold down the CTRL key while rolling the scroll-button on your mouse--depending on which way you scroll the scroll button, it'll make the font bigger or smaller. If that doesn't work, lemme know and we'll see if I can figure something else out.

Thanks for reading!

At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the suggestion lindy loo - I don't normally use a mouse as I have a laptop but I do have a mouse on standby in case I need to use one. I'll give it a try and see if your suggestions works.

At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I coulda swore I saw this on MST3K.

At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah--I've heard that it was actually, MDM-ADPH. Someone else told me that recently when the movie came up in conversation...


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