Monday, October 17, 2011

Piranha (2010)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: It is spring break. There are piranhas in the lake. Really, you don't need to know much more than that.

Scariness factor: This movie is delightfully campy, so don't go in expecting to be scared. Go in expecting boobs, boobs, and more boobs.

Gross-Out Factor: Oh my god, gross-out factor is high high high in this. They really enjoy upping each piranha attack with a newer and grosser one. Definitely not for the faint of heart.

Complaints: This movie is so fricking misogynistic. I mean, it is T & A like a horror movie's never been T'ed and A'ed before. The feminist in me has to bitch about that just a little. Thankfully though, all the horribly douchey males in this movie meet their ends in horrific ways, especially Jerry O'Connell's character, and thank god for that 'cause THAT DUDE IS SO GROSS. He definitely has one of the best one-liners in the movie though.

High Points: Ok. So I really really really wanna hate this movie, 'cause it's so T & A in a way that no other horror movie I've seen has been. So understand: the fact that I LOVE IT SO FREAKING MUCH DESPITE THAT FACT really is a testament to how entertaining this movie is. When I first saw it last year, I saw it in 3D at the theater, and I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATER and I remember feeling like a super dirty old man because it was like nonstop boobs. And not only just boobs but nonstop 3D boobs. And I was just sitting there in a completely empty theater, hunched in a seat with my 3D glasses on, staring at boobs for 90 minutes. But even despite that fact: totally dug it. And rewatching it this Halloween season solidified that fact. And because I do dig it so surprisingly much, we're gonna bullet the shit out of its high points:
  1. Boobs. I know I just went off on how creeped out I am about how many boobs there are in this movie, but seriously: it's impressive, the sheer quantity of boobs in this movie. And seriously: I have seen a lot of movies, and I'm pretty certain I've never seen another movie that has had even half as many boobs as this one. And if you had the pleasure of seeing it in 3D, YOU GOT TO SEE 3D BOOBS, and 3D boobs: not in the slightest bit overrated. Also, you get to see a lady whose boobs got eaten by piranhas. And as much as I hate to admit it: totally funny.

  2. The opening sequence. I was in a theater by myself when I first saw this movie, and I seriously giggled with glee at the opening sequence. It was worth sitting through this movie for the opening sequence alone, it's that adorable. For those of you who haven't seen it, I'm not gonna tell you what it is 'cause it'll ruin it, so stop reading. **SPOILER ALERT** For those of you who HAVE seen it: how brilliant was it to have Richard Dreyfuss fishing and singing the song he sings in Jaws??? Fucking loved it.**END SPOILER ALERT**

  3. The fact that this movie exploits boobs boobs and more boobs but really, all the super-douchey male characters really do meet horrible demises. And very specifically so, with Jerry O'Connell's being the most enjoyable (and deal with the lack of spoiler alert on that one 'cause it's not ruining anything).

  4. The special fx. If you've been reading this blog for more than 5 minutes, you know how very very very very very much I hate CGI. And that's mostly 'cause it looks horribly cheesy on a regular basis. So you also know what a big deal it is for me to say that the CGI kicks ass in this. The piranhas are creepy as fuck. The moments where it's very obviously CGI are cheesy enough to make it enjoyable rather than annoying. And I honestly am not sure how much of the gruesome parts were CGI and how much were not. Which also says something. The special fx definitely have a very old-school Tom Savini feel to them. And I'm not a gore person, but the gore is so over the top that I found it really entertaining in this. In fact, if you talk about the movie with your friends, almost everyone has their favorite death moments. The whole massacre scene in the water really is quite fantastic and impressive and absolutely disgusting.

  5. The fact that the movie does not take itself seriously at all and--in a way reminiscent of old school horror flicks of the 80's where it's abundantly clear how much love and care folks like Tom Savini put into the gore--you can really tell that everyone who was involved in making this just had a fucking blast with it, and the gory scenes were--to me--one of the rare moments in modern horror in the past ten years or so where it really felt like the folks involved in the special fx were just having a goddamn blast goring that shit up. It's weird to put it this way, but there's just a loving care to the special fx that's absent in a lot of newer horror flicks that're just CGIed the fuck up.

  6. Adam Scott. I dig the dude in pretty much everything 'cause he really is funny. But normally I don't go for the skinny dude with a really big head look. And for some reason Adam Scott's face always makes me think of Fievel from An American Tail. So I don't know if maybe it's just the manliness that comes with fighting off man-eating piranhas, but Adam Scott is a fucking hottie in this. He's all scruffy and stubbly and adorable and his reactions to everything just cracked me the hell up. So what I'm saying is: Adam Scott, you, me, and a few man-eating piranhas. How 'bout it?

Overall: Love. It is over-the-top and delightful and cheesy and fun and gory as hell and really, just a goddamn blast. See it if you haven't. You won't regret it. Unless you absolutely hate boobs.

Grade: A

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