Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Fog (2005)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

I ordered the Jamie Lee Curtis version of this movie from the library last week, but apparently (and really goddamn unfortunately), they sent me this stupid piece o' crap instead...

Plotline: Fog rolls in over a cape-town and crazy fog-men start to do bad stuff.

Scariness factor: Scary as an ass-rash. Oh wait. No. I guess that would actually *be* kinda scary. So, not even THAT scary, folks.

Gross-Out Factor: Mild mild mild. You get to see some mildly gruesome after-effects, and you get to see folks thrown through windows, but that's about it.

Complaints: This movie sucked. That's my complaint. Ok ok--I'll be more specific. Everything is computer animated, including the f-ing fog, and you *know* how much I love me some CGI. *eye roll* The acting is terrible--think OC meets Gilmore Girls or something. The "sex" scene was lame and felt like it fell out of a bad Rated G Axe commercial or something. The movie was way too inadvertently piratey-esque. The bad fog-men were SOOOOOOOOOOOO not scary and SOOOOOOOOOO super CGI. I didn't care about any of the people or any of the bad fog-men. I wish they would've all just died so I wouldn't've wasted 100 minutes of my life on them. I actually fell asleep during about 5 minutes worth of the climax of the movie, if that tells you anything. And seeing as I woke up to a chick making out with a dead vapor-dude, I would wager to say that I didn't miss much.

High Points: *Wracking brain* You get to see a dead vapor-dude make out with the lead chick, if that's your kinda thang. *Sobbing* Oh god, I can't lie. Even that wasn't really a high point.

Overall: Despite them having sent me the wrong movie, I did try to psych myself up to watch this last night--I realized that perhaps a movie about pretty, Hollywoodish-looking people getting killed off might lift my spirits some after all. It did not. This movie stinks like the most stinkly stink you've ever stunk. Stear the fuck clear.

Grade: F



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