Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Paranoia 1.0

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A reclusive computer-programmer begins to receive empty-packages that show up mysteriously in his apartment with no explanation. As other computer-obsessed folks in his apartment complex start showing up dead, his paranoia gets the best of him (perhaps rightfully so), and he begins to obsess over the origins of the packages and to unwittingly become involved in the deaths of those around him.

Scariness factor: Not so scary at all. Trying to play up the whole paranoia deal, but not very good at it.

Gross-Out Factor: I can't even remember, to be honest, but I think it was pretty tame. Just aftermath bloodiness.

Complaints: It was trying really hard to succeed in being something that it was never going to end up being, and that was "a good movie." This movie really did try to capture a spooky atmosphericness. It also wanted to be brilliant in how it toyed with paranoia in hip new ways by focusing on technology. But it was just dull and uninteresting. And watching the very foxy Jeremy Sisto weep to himself while glitching out and inserting the words "Nature Fresh Milk" into sentences, against his will, was painful and almost laughable to watch. Oh Sisto--just come home with me, and give it up on the horror flicks already. I've got enough money to support both of us (if we just eat humble diets of rice and veggies), and you can just sit around all day being wounded and slightly crazy, and when I come home, I'll make it a habit of mine to either tie you up and have my way with you or just set your head in my lap and pet it while you cry.

High Points: Ummmmm. Hrmmmm. MMMMMM.... Yeah. I think I'm at a loss here. I almost was gonna say the creepy AI baby-head that blurts strange phrases and screams, but no.

Overall: Skip it. It just happened to be at my library and had Sisto in it (who I'm a sucker for ever since I had a dream that he and I worked at McDonalds together and he shagged my brains out against the freezer-door--damn his sexy voice and big brown eyes), so I nabbed it against my better judgment (I mean, you can pretty much rest assured a movie will be bad when it has computer-lingo in the title). Not worth your while.

Grade: D



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