Thursday, October 06, 2011

Red Riding Hood

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Little Red Riding Hood is in love with a childhood Twilightesque sweetheart but is going to be betrothed to another. In the meantime, a vicious werewolf is killing off villagers. Love and werewolfiness intersect.

Scariness factor: It takes energy to be scared of a shittily CGI-ed werewolf.

Gross-Out Factor: Someone's hand gets severed. And the werewolf bites people. Also, the movie's PG-13. So: fairly low.

Complaints: Oh, where to start. 1) This should've been called Twilight 4: The Werewolfy version. 2) Amanda Seyfried, does your mouth EVER shut all the way?? 3) World's shittiest CGI-ed werewolf. 4) Why, Gary Oldman, why??? 5) Boring. 6) Why do all the boy villagers have such modern hairstyles? You KNOW that they necessitate gel or pomade or SOMETHING, but where do they manufacture the gel or pomade in such a tiny village???

High Points: Julie Christie is a HOTTIE. Sweet jesus. I never thought I'd be willing to make out with a grandma, but: TOTALLY DOWN. Other than that, there are a few lovely shots. That's about it though.

Overall: So. Boring. Omg. Catherine Hardwicke, how old are you and why are you so obsessed with tales of girls wooing boys who can rip out the girls' throats with their teeth? Dear readers, if you're looking for an awesome feminist werewolf horror flick, then check out Ginger Snaps instead.

Grade: D



At 3:21 AM, Anonymous water heater said...

so dangerous horror movie...........


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