House of Wax

As promised, I sucked it up and watched not one but *two* horror movies this weekend for you, my lovely readers. You best appreciate it, or you're going down.



--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A group of teens heads off on a road-trip, aiming to hit some football game that they're geeked up about attending. They decide to camp out in the middle of the boonies, waking up to find that one of their cars won't start. Two of the teens head off into a nearby town that houses a wax museum. Strange and murderous things start to happen to the teens one by one as they each wander into town...

Scariness factor: I have to admit, I was tense a few times during the movie. It sort of alternates between horribly lame and occasionally high-tension.

Gross-Out Factor: High high high. I had a coworker tell me he had to walk out in the middle of the movie because he found it too gory. I mean, people are coated with hot wax on their skin, so you've gotta expect a little bit of gore.

Complaints: I always wonder how it is that dozens and dozens of people can up and vanish in the same area constantly, and yet no one ever manages to snoop around nearby towns for clues (House of 1000 Corpses also suffered from this nonsensicalness). I also find it fishy that *POTENTIAL SPOILER* a huge house composed strictly of wax will go up so quickly in a fire. I understand it MELTING. But wax doesn't itself catch fire, correct? So why in god's name does the House of Wax burn like no tomorrow, flames billowing up from floors made of wax? Wax melts, yes. But I didn't think it actually catches FIRE, otherwise we'd be burning down our houses whenever we use candles, no? /END SPOILER Also, as in most teeny bopper flicks, the music is horrible. And, although the plot is not too full of holes, it is kind of lame--the movie had lots of camp potential--I mean, it's about a fricking house of wax (perhaps the original one played this up more), but it never indulges in it... And finally, *MINOR SPOILER* the main character gets her finger CHOPPED OFF in the first 1/2 hour of the film, spurting blood EVERYWHERE, and yet throughout the rest of the movie, the blood-loss and the fact that she's missing most of her finger never seems to phase her. And at the end, she's sitting in an ambulance, and NONE OF THE PARAMEDICS ARE DOING ANYTHING FOR HER. Apparently this amputation was intended for early gross-out fx, but basically drops out of the story for convenience's sake after that's been achieved. /END SPOILER

High Points: Twin brother of main female character is *hot*. Also, the notion of an all-wax house was pretty cool to me (if not very realistic). And, as I stated earlier, there are some good tense scenes.

Overall: I was surprised because I enjoyed this movie more than I expected to (although that's probably just because I was expecting it to SUCK like an anteater vacuuming while drinking ants through a straw). It's no Exorcist or Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but it's at least mildly entertaining.

Grade: C