Monday, January 09, 2006

Toolbox Murders

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Girl and boy move into new apartment complex. Apartment complex is piece of shit and filled with crazies. Murders take place. Stupid girl tries to figure out murders. Mysteries uncovered. Mysteries make no sense.

Scariness factor: *Fart* About as scary as a cheese cracker. This is made all the sadder by the fact that the lovely Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chain Saw Massacre fame) directed this lame excuse for a horror movie.

Gross-Out Factor: Fairly high for the squeamish. Though not vomit-in-your-seat disgusting.

Complaints: New pet peeve: movies that latch onto some "clever" horror movie idea (i.e. a murderer who kills each person with a different tool) and concoct same sorry, weak excuse for a plot around it just so they can exhibit "clever" horror movie idea (which really *isn't* so clever in the first place). This movie was one such example: the plot basically revolved around inventive ways of killing people with various tools. Yippee. And a mystery is built-up, but once it starts being unraveled, it makes little to no sense. I'd give spoilers here to bitch about them, but really, it seems moreso a waste of my and your time.

High Points: Nada nada limonada.

Overall: This movie bored me. Bored and failed to scare me. And it was ridiculous on top of it. It really made little logical sense once the murderer was revealed, and it completely failed to make me wanna CARE as to whom the murderer was. Rent the Texas Chain Saw Massacre instead.

Grade: D-



At 2:33 AM, Anonymous Movie Scary said...

Sweet post, thanks for the info.


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