Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Swamp Women (1955)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Oh my god, this Horror Classics: 50 Movie Pack is the best! I must forewarn you though--this is *sooooooooooooooooooo* not a horror flick. I mean, there's not even a smidgen of horror in it. So I'm not quite sure why it's on here, other than for filler. And if you go in to this film looking for horror, you're gonna be sorely disappointed. But I'm gonna review it here anyways, since it *is* found on a horror movie dvd set; and even the Internet Movie Database ( has it listed as one. So here goes.

Plotline: The Nardo gals are in prison, eagerly awaiting the day they are finally able to bust out and return to the local swamps to retrieve their stash of diamonds. Enter a new inmate who seems to have the key to escaping the joint, and a car to whisk them away to safety. (In reality, she's just a copper sent in to infiltrate the gang and retrieve the diamonds.) The women get out scott-free and then set off to the swamps to get their dough. When their boat breaks down, they kidnap a millionaire named Connors and his girlfriend. They are both held hostage as the women slink closer and closer to their hidden treasure.

Scariness factor: N/A

Gross-Out Factor: N/A

Complaints: None. This is camp (particularly girl-on-girl camp) at its finest.

High Points: This whole film just absolutely cracked my shit up--I was literally laughing out loud frequently throughout it, despite watching it by myself. The women in it are both anti-stereotypes and stereotypes rolled into one: they manage to nearly knock-out a full-grown man with just one punch (despite him having earlier proved his manhood by socking a drunk across the mouth) and yet they complain about breaking a nail and at one point all join drunkenly together to cut their pants into daisy dukes because they want to look sexier and just can't bear having their legs covered up (they're in the middle of a swamp, mind you). There are ridiculous amounts of stock footage in this film, from alligators to snakes to random birds flitting about on plants that look like they couldn't EVER possibly be found in an actual swamp. The characters are fantastically cute and campy--the lead, Josie, just rocks my socks off--she's hot and bossy, and she's in command. They of course are all completely smitten with the guy they've kidnapped and spend most of their time bickering and scheming about who gets to hook up with him while he just sits around grinning smugly at his good fortune. There are numerous cat-fights throughout--horrible punching sound effects, the pulling of hair, girly-kicking, you name it. And my absolute favorite part of this movie, which just cracked me up to no end, was the fact that Connors (the only major male character in the film) enters the swamp with his girlfriend originally, looking to whisk her off to his Louisiana digs. Immediately after they are kidnapped, she drowns, despite his rugged attempt at battling an alligator to save her. He immediately begins pimping on every single one of his abductors, finally settling on the butchest of the bunch as his prize. And by the end of the movie, we've all completely forgotten about the fact that a woman has died a terrible death in the swamps of Louisiana because, well, Connors is making out with the chick-cop as though he's discovered his one true love. Fantastic. Hee hee.

Overall: Oh my god, this movie is just so funny. It's not good at all, of course. It's camp camp camp. But it's glorious camp--glorious cat-fighting camp, glorious alligator-wrestling camp, and glorious seductive swamp vixens camp. So you of course *must* check it out.

PS. I *need* this movie poster--I can think of no other campy flick that would fit in with my Wall of Camp (including my tin Girls in Prison poster) better than this.

Grade: A

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At 1:36 PM, Blogger SikeChick said...

Ooooooh! A friend gave me that same disc set and it is totally awesome. You must review The Killer Shrews. You must! You must! You must! Um, please.

At 2:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've actually seen that one already! HA HA HA HA!

Oh man, those poor dogs that they dressed up as shrews for some of those scenes.

So bad.

Yeah, I'll probably eventually end up watching that one again at SOME point, so I promise to review it once I do. =)


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