Blade

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Blade is half-man, half-vampire, and his goal is to eradicate the vampire race.

Scariness factor: It has some fast-paced tense moments. If I didn't hate Stephen Dorff and think him the epitome of lameness, that would've probably helped in this regard as well.

Gross-Out Factor: Most of the grossness is CGI, and thus, not so gross, in my opinion.



Complaints: I really liked it until the end decided to gunk itself up with a whole bunch of lousy CGI. Remember how when you were little and watched the bad Nazi-guys die in Indiana Jones in that whole "melting like a candle"-type way, and it scared you to your very core and you couldn't stop thinking about it for like days? Well, there's a reason for that: you can do lots of creepy stuff without CGI. And it looks better. Because it actually LOOKS kind of realistic instead of looking clearly computer-animated. Case-in-point is the demise of one of the vampires at the end which, since it's integral and climactic to the movie, should've been bad-ass and terrible but really just ended up being laughable because it was so obviously computer-animated (not to mention that it was just sorta SILLY how he died). Other complaint: Stephen Dorff. What is that boy's deal? Seriously? He irritates the sin out of me. An obligatory aside to Stephen Dorff: You are not hot. Neither are you bad-ass. You are a pasty, skinny, Casper-ish white-boy, who doesn't have enough body-hair or muscle (or the general unaffected bad-assness of, say, Johnny Depp) to pull off all the cock and swagger you're toting around. If *I* were a vampire hunter, I could easily pin you to the ground and flick your ears until you started crying like a little girl and begging to be staked. Just because you suck on a cigarette and fail to button up your shirts does not make you cool.

High Points: I really kind of liked the first half of the movie. The blood stuff was sexy. The Blade-sucking-on-hot-doctor scene was beyond overtly sexual. The dancing-in-blood was fun. The action was decent (if far-fetched, but that's to be expected for an action movie). Some of the death-scenes were fun. I kind of liked Kris Kristofferson's character. And Blade was bad-ass.



Overall: The ending really kind of made me mad because it sucked dry all the goodness and excitement of the beginning half. CGI BE DAMNED! Nonetheless, it made for an entertaining 90 minutes, and obviously, if you're a fan of vampire-flicks, it's a definite must.

Grade: B-