Saturday, October 01, 2011

Camp Hell

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Pre-emptory Note to the Creators of Camp Hell: Jesse Eisenberg was in this movie for LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES. You are douchebags for putting him on the cover of your dvd and tricking me into watching. DOUCHEBAGS, I SAY.

Plotline: Jesus-freak children gather at their Bible-camp for the summer. One of the sinners attracts the attention of the devil. He also gets his dry-hump on with a girl-camper. Some more jesus-freaky stuff. Jesse Eisenberg for 5 minutes worth of boring. And: the end.

Scariness factor: The only thing scary about this movie was a) Jesse Eisenberg's acting in his five minutes on screen, and b) the fact that there really ARE bible-camps out there in the world that are likely similar to this one, minus the demon-sightings.

Gross-Out Factor: Pool of blood. Twitchy demon face. Another pool of blood. Dead doves.

Complaints: So. Boring. It's sad when the highlight of the film is two teenagers dry-humping in the woods. Also, the film is populated by a lot of grinding/crunchy noises. Because apparently Satan sounds like he's perpetually chewing on Gobstoppers.

High Points:Well let's take a look at the two pics I've posted above. That should explain it for you: boring & more boring. So much jesus-camp, so little demon-scariness.

Overall: Snoozer. Rent Friday the 13th or something if you're looking for delicious camping horror.

Grade: D



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