Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Beat Me, Please

Yes, I am deserving of a swift and cruel beating since I haven't watched a horror movie *OR* posted in a couple of weeks. Mea culpa mea culpa.

I figured I'd better suck it up and do a little bit of catch up.

Here's the horror movies I'm looking forward to seeing, hopefully in the next few months:

1. The Man with the Screaming Brain--this baby is written, directed, and starring everybody's favorite camp god, Bruce Campbell. Campbell's character, a rich industrialist, ends up having his brain removed and replaced with the brain of a Latino pimp. Of course a mad scientist is to blame. Campbell and the pimp join forces to track down the woman who killed them both.

2. Dark Water--though I don't understand why people just don't MOVE when things start to go wrong in their homes (i.e. perpetual raining, bleeding of the walls, etc.), I do admit that this movie looks rather spooky in the previews. Jennifer Connelly's character is mid-custody battle for her daughter and, as a result, ends up in a shithole apartment in the interim. The apartment is of course haunted, as evidenced by the perpetually leaking waters, random spooky noises, etc., and Connelly must work double-time to keep her daughter safe and sound. (*Sidenote: Connelly really needs to start playing characters that actually own/rent good stable real estate already--see House of Sand & Fog.)

3. George Romero's Land of the Dead--I've heard some pretty stinky things about this movie, but I don't give a damn. It's a zombie movie. And it's George Romero. Thus, I really need to drag my ass out and see it already. (Previews) Zombies have taken over the world. The only remaining humans have walled themselves up inside a city, living in skyscrapers. But the zombies are beginning to evolve and grow more advanced, making life that much more dangerous for the few remaining humans.

4. Nochnoy Dozor (or Night Watch)--An apocalyptic film (Russian sci-fi meets Russian horror) where good vampires battle evil vampires (and some monsters as well). This movie was a *HUGE* box-office success in Russia. (Previews)

5. Undead--heh heh. I just dig the bi-line: "Crazy has come to town for a visit." A resident of a peaceful farming community moves to the city after losing her home. Upon arrival, the city is bludgeoned by a spew of meteorites which infect the city and wake up the dead. People versus zombies again, but it looks pretty gritty (see Preview) and apparently has a good sense of humor.

6. And finally, on video, Just Before Dawn. I saw a good portion of this movie, sans volume, at a bar I was at about 6 months ago or so. I dug it, even without the sound. It's a wickedly '80s backwoods horror movie where five campers are terrorized by a machete-wielding crazy. This movie is apparently gonna be making its digital debut on dvd at the end of July, so keep your eyes out.


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