Up-and-Coming

I've gotten back into the routine of slackery and haven't watched a horror flick in a while. So today I bring you up-and-coming horror flicks instead, some of which we probably wish *weren't* in fact coming, but hey, at least Hard Candy looks promising...


Now Playing...

Stay Alive

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Trailer

Slither

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Trailer

The Hills Have Eyes

Trailer

Opens tomorrow...

Silent Hill

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Trailers

Opens April 28...






Hard Candy

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Trailer

Opens May 5...

An American Haunting

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Opens May 19...

See No Evil

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Opens June 6...

The Omen

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Trailer

Trailer #2

The Fog (2005)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

I ordered the Jamie Lee Curtis version of this movie from the library last week, but apparently (and really goddamn unfortunately), they sent me this stupid piece o' crap instead...

Plotline: Fog rolls in over a cape-town and crazy fog-men start to do bad stuff.

Scariness factor: Scary as an ass-rash. Oh wait. No. I guess that would actually *be* kinda scary. So, not even THAT scary, folks.

Gross-Out Factor: Mild mild mild. You get to see some mildly gruesome after-effects, and you get to see folks thrown through windows, but that's about it.

Complaints: This movie sucked. That's my complaint. Ok ok--I'll be more specific. Everything is computer animated, including the f-ing fog, and you *know* how much I love me some CGI. *eye roll* The acting is terrible--think OC meets Gilmore Girls or something. The "sex" scene was lame and felt like it fell out of a bad Rated G Axe commercial or something. The movie was way too inadvertently piratey-esque. The bad fog-men were SOOOOOOOOOOOO not scary and SOOOOOOOOOO super CGI. I didn't care about any of the people or any of the bad fog-men. I wish they would've all just died so I wouldn't've wasted 100 minutes of my life on them. I actually fell asleep during about 5 minutes worth of the climax of the movie, if that tells you anything. And seeing as I woke up to a chick making out with a dead vapor-dude, I would wager to say that I didn't miss much.



High Points: *Wracking brain* You get to see a dead vapor-dude make out with the lead chick, if that's your kinda thang. *Sobbing* Oh god, I can't lie. Even that wasn't really a high point.

Overall: Despite them having sent me the wrong movie, I did try to psych myself up to watch this last night--I realized that perhaps a movie about pretty, Hollywoodish-looking people getting killed off might lift my spirits some after all. It did not. This movie stinks like the most stinkly stink you've ever stunk. Stear the fuck clear.

Grade: F

The Fly (1986)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A mad scientist has figured out how to transport inanimate objects from one "pod" to another. He is determined to figure out how to do the same with animate objects, resulting in some very bizarre consequences.

Scariness factor: This movie is not so much jump-in-your-seat scary as it is disturbing and creepy. But it's definitely high on the disturbing and creepy continuum, no doubt.

Gross-Out Factor: You get to see Jeff Goldblum regurgitate on his food--tee hee. This movie might conceivably be gross to some more squeamish folks--there is monkey carnage and, as Goldblum starts to morph, there is a lot of body-parts falling off and nasty-ass melting skin. But I've seen much much gross, and it's at least well-done.

Complaints: The only thing that bothered me is the little burps of logic that happen in most sci-fi movies: at the beginning, he transports steak on a plate through his teletransporter devices, but they don't become steak-plates or anything. And yet later, teletransporting himself while a fly is accidentally in the pod with him, the two conjoin to become one. What's up with the lack of a steak-plate, buddy? Other than that, I have little to complain about--I was surprised and impressed by this movie and wish that I hadn't waited so long to see the damn thing (but what can I say--I can't stand Jeff Goldblum as a general rule).



High Points: The makeup and special fx in this movie rock my socks off. I was so impressed, especially for a movie from the 80's. Cronenberg and his makeup masters do a fantastic job morphing Goldblum into a fly. And speaking of Goldblum, he is delightfully low-key and enjoyable in this movie which was much appreciated seeing as *I HATE HIS GUTS*. The movie wasn't anything terribly original--mad scientist goes crazy with power and it ends up biting him in the ass--but this movie felt clever and intelligent and, coupled with the special fx, I was drawn into the story like I haven't been with a horror movie for a long while.

Overall: Well-worth it simply for the special fx (and so you can see Goldblum regurgitate on his food--have I mentioned that? Hee hee). Seriously though, I went in expecting a typical 80's horror flick and was really quite pleasantly surprised and impressed. A definite must-see for any horror movie fan.

Grade: A