Teeth
Plotline: Dawn believes in purity and saving herself for marriage. But something's not quite right down below, and when a cute boy gets a little bit too friendly with her one day, all hell breaks loose.
Scariness factor: Wow. I mean, it's not jump in your seat scary. But your genitals will definitely definitely tremble with horror.
Gross-Out Factor: I'm not generally too squeamish of a person. But my stomach did flip-flops once or twice. Definitely definitely high. But delightfully so.
Complaints: Not a one.
High Points: Where to even begin? This movie is one of the best horror flicks I've seen in a while. Unlike Rob Zombie, the filmmaker really gets horror movies, and because of this, is able to turn every little aspect of the teen horror film on its head. The trailer itself is its own little piece of brilliance. (You can watch it above.) And the movie lives up to the expectations. Perhaps even goes BEYOND them. It's well-written. It's got good actors. And, above all else, it is really goddamn funny. But the kind of funny where you're moaning through the laughter because you know you SHOULDN'T be laughing but you just. can't. help. it. It's also wickedly smart because, right when you figure out where it's going with a scene and start thinking to yourself, Oh no--there's no way they're gonna do that because that's just so so so very disturb--OH NO THEY JUST WENT AHEAD AND DID IT! Right when you think it's not gonna go there, it does. 100%. And unapologetically. And it's WONDERFUL in that regard. It also will have all you female horror movie fiends completely geeked out because it inverts most every gender-expectation in a horror film. Instead of rampant female nudity, it's guys guys guys. We get to see WAY more of them then we probably would ever want to see. And, well, given the subject matter, the female lead DEFINITELY has agency.
Overall: Vag-clenchingly good. In every which way, this movie is fresh and delightful. It is clever and hysterically funny. And it's that wonderful kind of funny where you know it's just so wrong to be laughing but YOU JUST CAN'T HELP IT.
Grade: A+... Get thee to the video store
