I'm the worst horror movie mistress EVER!
I haven't posted in a while, mostly because I haven't watched a horror movie recently. And Patrick
's been sucking even worse. (That's right, Patrick! I said it! You have time to dine at fancy shmancy restaurants
but apparently you don't have time to watch people die horrific deaths. How lame is that? ; )
But I DID
get this month
's copy of FANGORIA
, so here's my two cents on upcoming horror flicks.House of Wax
is coming out May 6. I saw the previews for this yesterday, and gar. It has Paris Hilton in it, for chrissake. Some sorta plotline revolving around a murdering duo of sibs who is into turning people into wax figures for their wax museum as revenge or something like that. Am I just too jaded and skeptical, or does this just sound lame to the rest of you as well?
The remake of Amityville Horror
comes out this Friday. Now, I never liked the original
Amityville Horror all that much anyways. So this is part of the reason I actually thought a remake of that movie might be useful. But after seeing the previews, I think we have another The Haunting
-esque monstrosity of a remake on our hands. I took the time to read about it though, and it sounds like it COULD be interesting and that the previews are misleading. But then again, it's made by the fella who decided to remake The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
, which in horror movie land is like rewriting the fricking bible in my opinion. I still
refuse to see that bastardization. So I'm not expecting much.
That new television series about the apocalypse is starting sometime soon. It's called Revelations
and now that the pope's died, it seems like they're really overhyping the damn thing, because (as we all know) we gotsta get a pope otherwise all worldly evil will break lose. Anyways, this series (like any television series trying to be scary) looks more lame than anything. I mean, it's got Bill fricking Pullman in it, for god's sake. However, I do have to admit, I found out yesterday that it's created by David Seltzer, the guy who wrote The Omen
which rocks my world, so I may have to give it a chance after all.
(*Sidenote: did you know that the made a PLAY out of REEFER MADNESS
?? I just saw an ad for it--how weird is that?)
I also read an article on the new Rob Zombie flick, The Devil's Rejects
. I still have yet to see his other one, House of 1000 Corpses
or whatever the hell it's called, but I do admit, the preview for this new one looked intriguing. It's much grittier looking than your typical horror flick (just visually, not action-wise; it's kinda grainy and has that 1970's filming quality of some of the oldie but goodie horror flicks). BUT
I do have to say that this is where the whole horror movie concept gets a bit gray for me--I don't know if I consider cracked out movies about depraved serial killers to be horror necessarily. But we'll see. It is
really damn funny reading articles with people (actors/directors) waxing intellectual about bloody explosive murder scenes and decapitations and the likes though, I have to say.
And finally, I must pause to chuckle:
As I was reading FANGORIA yesterday, I realized that in their UPCOMING DVD HORROR RELEASES section, they had Enduring Love
listed. Now, I know some of us have done a bit of fist-fighting (and/or philosophical pondering) over the question of "What makes a horror movie a horror movie"
, but even if I was blind and limbless and deaf and suffering from a bad bout of athlete's foot, I'd STILL recognize from a mile away that Enduring Love ain't a fricking horror movie. The only thing horrifying about it is that it's titled "Enduring Love" (*cue the Backstreet Boys*). So what the hell
is up with that, Fangoria?
Weird thing to note: I think Terry Gilliam may be coming out with a new flick called THE BROTHERS GRIMM
. Intriguing. Good day.